Phaeton out of Place

VW's Phaeton has much to commend it but why is it a VW?

THE day before my Volkswagen Phaeton test car was delivered, I had occasion to have my photograph taken sitting in the captain's seat in Concorde. On first slipping behind the leather-clad wheel of VW's executive monster, my initial impression was that the business end of the recently-retired supersonic plane looked marginally less complex... 

Put simply the Phaeton is mass-market manufacturer VW's diversion into the arena of the executive smoothie, populated by products from BMW and Mercedes-Benz - and of course VW's own sister company Audi. And the Phaeton does the business, ranking right up with its rivals in terms of executive refinement, luxury and electronic toys. Which gives me a problem, one which I'll tell you about in a minute. Make no mistake, this car is a real heavyweight contender, in more ways than one, as it weighs in at well over two tonnes - especially if you have the very new stretched version that I've been testing, known as the long-wheelbase or LWB.

Basically, a standard Phaeton (except that there's nothing really standard about any Phaeton) is a very spacious executive saloon whether you sit in front or back. The LWB gets an extra 120mm between the wheels, turning particularly its rear seating area into nothing short of cavernous - you could hold a party in there. And it would be a very plush party, because the level of luxury is second to none. Not only are we talking the leather seats, that you expect, but also the fact that everything seems to be electricified - the steering wheel and seat adjustment for example (18 different ways in the latter, and both with a programmable memory so they slide into position around you Thunderbirds-style the moment you insert the key), the mirrors (heated of course and foldable), the climate control, which has separate zones for each of the four occupants, those in the rear making settings through their own special centre console. There's a top quality hi-fi system with a volume control so extensive that at less than halfway you could be rattling the windows - except that in the Phaeton the windows just don't rattle. My test car, by the way, came with almost £4000-worth of communications extras including a widescreen TV on the centre console and a built-in phone. This car doesn't just have heated front seats, you can cool them too - it really is gadget heaven.

Now you need a lot of power to shift something this big, and VW supplies it. There are four Phaeton engine choices, three of them petrols ranging from a 3.2-litre 238bhp V6 through a 4.2-litre V8 with 330 horses to the awesome 6-litre 414bhp W12. Next year a 3-litre V6 TDI diesel will join the line-up, but I had the current single diesel option, a whopping 5-litre V10 TDI pumping telephone number figures - 309bhp and a tarmac-tearing 553lbft of torque. All of which means that this monster will accelerate to 62mph from rest in a mere 6.9 seconds, and of course unrestrained could reach an electronically-limited 155mph. And the diesel engine does all this while sounding very unlike a diesel, in fact not sounding like anything at all - it's almost silent... Mind you it doesn't produce typical diesel fuel economy either, at best close to 25mpg, but if you can afford one of these cars frugality is not your prime consideration...

Weirdly the only time the Phaeton LWB's length becomes really noticeable is in car parks. On the road it is very easy to drive, helped by the fact that all LWB versions come with VW's 4Motion all-wheel-drive system. Initially I thought the ride was over-soft for my taste, but no problem, a button on the centre console simply stiffened the shock absorbers for more sporty progress. Then you simply marvel at how such a beast manages to corner so effectively, to smother potholes so effectively. And if all that power should tempt you to over-enthusiasm there's electronics all over to get you out of trouble.

So is there a drawback? Yes - this is my problem, the badge. Okay, I wouldn't normally knock the VW badge, but while the Germans in Wolfsburg know all about screwing a car together and ensuring that it doesn't break down, VW is still a mainstream maker, and therefore might be frowned upon by short-sighted badge-snobs. I reckon VW should have created a higher class sub-brand for this car, as Toyota has done with Lexus, or several steps up the money tree, as Mercedes has done with Maybach.

The other turn off could be expense. The Phaeton is not cheap to buy or own, but then I don't think it was ever really meant to be. Had this V10 TDI variant been my own I would have shelled out just over £60,000 for it. But I would have got a lot of metal (and circuits) for my money.  And every time I slipped behind that wheel I could be assured of not just a drive, but a unique, top quality experience. Home Jeeves... Actually Jeeves, you get in the back, I want to drive it...